by Glen L. Bledsoe
You may remember during the mid-1980's the mysterious disappearance of soap opera star Dorothy Schmidt, thought at first to be a publicity stunt. When several weeks passed with no sign of the actress police began to take her case seriously. Further investigations revealed several reliable witnesses including her co-star Buddy Frank who said Dorothy had been abducted by Little Green Men who offered them potato pancakes in exchange for Ms. Schmidt who at the time was apparently paralyzed by a beam of purple light. The police dismissed the story as a hoax until just last month astronomers studying Betelgeuse received a radio signal which decoded into the image accompanying this report.
The image does bear something of a resemblance to the TV star. Speculation as to its meaning varies from she's being honored with an award in her likeness to she's been turned into an inanimate statue of uncertain materials. Whichever the case it appears that the Betelgeusians wanted us to know.
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