Showing posts with label cowboys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cowboys. Show all posts

Hand Lotion

 


by Glen L. Bledsoe 

"I don't suppose nobody has got any hand lotion around here, Frank said with an impatient look on his face. "My hands are as raw as raw rawhide."

Becky Johnson who had been trying to cozy up to Frank for years said, "Why don't you help yourself to some of Buster Hand Creme right behind you?"

"I'm not smelling like no pansy florist shop," Frank retorted. "Just because the Sheriff smells like a lady's hanky doesn't mean I want to."

"Oh no, Frank," Becky said batting her eyes at him. "This lotion will make your hands smell like leather. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Leather?" Frank said in surprise. "Why don't you squirt me a handful in my palm? I'd like to give it a try."

Talk of the Town

 


by Glen L. Bledsoe 

"Have you noticed how Sheriff Pete smells?" Lucy said.

"I try not to," Bud replied trying to be nonchalant.

"He smells like he fell into a perfume bottle," she said.

"You don't mean he's. 99

"No, of course not. Haven't you noticed the way he's hanging around Miss Jane with that silly looking on his face."

"Oh, that."

Lucy punched Bud lightly on the shoulder. "Yes, that!" she said.

(To understand why they're talking about see Sheriff Pete and the Bar of Soap.

Transformation


 By Glen L. Bledsoe 

The Truth About Cattle Mutilations

I grew up in Merrillville, Indiana about 40 miles east of Chicago. I'd never been any further west than Chicago until at age 24 two of my friends and I decided to box up our bikes, put them under a Greyhound bus and travel to Portland, Oregon. Our plan was to ride our bikes back home.

As we we crossed Oregon and made our way eastward we were amazed. We'd never seen anything like this before. Wide open spaces, mountains, canyons, high desert, ranches and a style of life nothing like we'd ever seen in the Midwest. Each small town we'd enter we'd stop at a small cafe and eat lunch. There the locals would ask us where we started from and where we were going. They were encouraging and interested in how three crazy young men were making their way across rugged land. In one cafe I picked up a newspaper and noticed the headlines: MYSTERY CATTLE MUTILATIONS! Ranchers were finding many of their cows dead and their bodies dissected in strange ways. I shared this with my two fellow bicyclists and we exchanged worried looks. As we continued our ride we continued to read local newspapers all carrying the same news of the cattle mutilations. On one occasion a group of mounted horsemen approached us with rifles.

One of them tipped his hat to us and said, "You boys see anything suspicious when you've been riding? Anything strange? Any men look like they're up to something?"

"No, sir," Ireplied. "We haven't seen anyone like that."

The man nodded. "If you do you find the nearest sheriff and tell him what you saw."

"Yes, sir. We will do that."

"All right. You boys carry on, but be careful. There's something strange going on out here." The men rode off without another word.

Everywhere we went we saw news of the mutilations. We were either following them or they were following us. We didn't want to be around when they decided they were done mutilating cows and wanted to try out their skills on humans.

Much later I found out that the mutilations were spread over the entire area. They weren't following us and we weren't following them. We were traveling through a territory filled with it.

There were reports of UFOs being sighted in the areas where the mutilations took place. And so I began to wonder if instead of mutilations they were transformations and the cattle carcasses weren't just what was left over. You never know. It could be.