Flypaper

 by Glen L. Bledsoe 

The Artists Readable Wrangle Museum of Art made headlines in the late 20th century when thieves disguised as mimes stole the John Smear Veneer painting “The Performance” (Dutch: Het optreden). Note the empty space on the right wall where the painting used to hang. Needless to say since then security measures have been upgraded. Inasmuch as mimes have the natural ability to bypass digital security systems (remember they don’t make a sound) the museum installed occult measures which have thus far been quite successful. 

The primary implementation is the soul flypaper (note the rectangle between the two windows on the left), which thus far has captured more than a dozen souls of would-be thieves and converted them (more or less) into living paintings. The bait on the rear wall is the John Term Brand painting “Men in Yellow.” Some find sight of the trapped souls disturbing and some believe it to be cruel and unusual punishment, but others believe that spending eternity in the view of great art to be no punishment whatsoever. Henry Schilder, the museum’s director pointed out that museum attendance has increased ten-fold since the installation of the flypaper and credits the presence of the trapped souls for much of the increase.