Flump Grubbling

By Martin Sercombe

The game of Flump Grubbling is still practiced in a few small villages in the north of England. It involves balancing turkey eggs on a grubbling plank placed on each competitor's head.

The rules are simple: the participant who can balance the most eggs on their plank without dropping any is declared the winner. But there is a catch - as soon as a participant drops an egg, they are "flumped" and the villagers throw the fallen egg at them.

The game is a sight to behold. The villagers gather in a flumping room, dressed in their finest clothes, and cheer on the competitors. Each participant has a different technique for balancing the eggs, some move their bodies carefully to maintain their balance, while others stand very still, trying to avoid any sudden movements.

As the game progresses, the eggs begin to wobble and sway and the tension among the players is palpable. The audience holds its breath, waiting for the inevitable moment when an egg falls.

The player who is flumped the most times is dubbed the Gobbler. The Gobbler must entertain the audience with turkey impersonations, flapping his arms and gobbling like a turkey.

The player who succeeds in balancing the most eggs becomes King Grubbler for the remaining year, and is awarded a gigantic omelette made with his winning eggs.