A Transylvanian Tale

 By Martin Sercombe


In the town of Targu Mures, three old gents decided to embark on a road trip together. With their wrinkled faces and silvered hair, they sought one last adventure before the twilight of their lives.

They packed their worn suitcases and set off in an ancient, sputtering car that groaned with each mile. The open road beckoned them, promising stories untold and laughter yet to be shared. But as they ventured deeper into the countryside, the road signs became less familiar, and the path they followed grew increasingly obscure.

Their laughter turned to unease as the sky darkened, casting an ominous shadow over the land. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and the first raindrops fell like tears from a mourning sky.

Lost and disoriented, they found themselves on a narrow, muddy track, far removed from civilization. The car's engine sputtered and wheezed, and then, with a final gasp, it fell silent. They had run out of petrol.

The rain intensified as night fell, transforming the track into a treacherous river of mud. The wind howled with fury, rattling the car and amplifying their fear.

Suddenly, a flash of lightning illuminated the landscape, revealing a distant farmhouse, seemingly untouched by time. With newfound determination, they pushed their vehicle towards the refuge.

But when they reached the house, they found it locked shut and unoccupied, trapping their frail bodies outside. The farmhouse, once a beacon of salvation, become a cruel mirage, mocking their futile attempt to escape the wrath of the storm.

Exhausted and defeated, the gentlemen clung to each other, their bodies trembling with cold and fear. The rain poured relentlessly, as their frail forms succumbed to the unforgiving elements.

As the storm howled its final requiem, the old gents slipped away, their journey coming to a tragic end.

Thunder

 By Martin Sercombe


The rain poured relentlessly, transforming the once peaceful field into a muddy quagmire. In the midst of this tempest, a prize bull named Thunder found himself in a precarious situation.

Thunder was a magnificent creature, known far and wide for his strength and beauty, but on that stormy night, he had wandered too close to the edge of the field, drawn by the tempting aroma of fresh grass. As he stepped forward, his hooves sank deep into the muddy ground, trapping him in a sticky quagmire. Panic set in as the bull struggled to free himself, but the more he fought, the deeper he sank.

The farmer, alerted to his cries, waded through the muck and tried to pull the massive beast out but his hooves remained stubbornly planted in the mud. Undeterred, the farmer called for reinforcements, rallying his neighbours to join the rescue mission. A group of determined individuals gathered, their united strength matched only by their concern for Thunder's well-being. They heaved and strained, yet Thunder remained trapped.

Just when their hope began to waver, a ray of light pierced through the storm clouds, casting a glimmer of hope upon the weary faces. Thunder, sensing the change in the atmosphere, summoned his last reserves of strength. With one final surge of power, he lifted his massive body, hooves emerging from the mire. A collective cheer erupted from the farmers, as they led him to the safety of the barn.

Cnut and the Waves

 By Martin Sercombe

This story of Cnut resisting the incoming tide was first recorded by Henry of Huntingdon in his Historia Anglorum in the early twelfth century:

When he was at the height of his ascendancy, he ordered his chair to be placed on the sea-shore as the tide was coming in. Then he said to the rising tide, "You are subject to me, as the land on which I am sitting is mine, and no one has resisted my overlordship with impunity. I command you, therefore, not to rise on to my land, nor to presume to wet the clothing or limbs of your master." But the sea came up as usual, and disrespectfully drenched the king's feet and shins. So jumping back, the king cried, "Let all the world know that the power of kings is empty and worthless, and there is no king worthy of the name save Him by whose will heaven, earth and the sea obey eternal laws."

The Foundlings


by Glen L. Bledsoe 

In 1648 two young girls were found wandering the properties of Sir Gordon Yarborough. Their clothes were in rags. They were cold, hungry and frightened. Sir Gordon and his wife were childless and took them into their home and raised them as their own. At first the girls could not speak, but learned English quickly. Once they gained full vocabulary they told stories of where they were from. A world filled with machines: flying machines, talking machines. Machines that showed moving pictures on slabs of glass. Machines that made music. No one believed their stories at the time, but the girls were presented to the upper class by their "father" as a kind of entertainment. Today we know just how silly those stories really were.
 

The Decoy

 


by Glen L. Bledsoe 

Real aliens do not appears as lights in the sky. What would be the point? Instead they leave life-like leggy female decoys in public parks to attract male members of our species. Once captured the aliens (intent on improving their gastroenterological skills) probe males using the port of entry where the sun don't shine.

"Oh, do bring his shoe back, father. I believe he means to propose."


by Glen L. Bledsoe 

In Jane Austin's "Seafaring Nation" unfinished juvenile novel written through medium Madame Rosa Lucille's father Maior Corcoran tries desperately to marry off his daughter. At the high point of the novel the Major steals young one-handed Captain Bud Robbins shoe and refuses to return it until he proposes to his daughter.


 

Dear Aunt Sassy

 


by Glen L. Bledsoe 

Dear Aunt Sassy, There is a man who I am madly in love with, but he pays no attention to me. He drools over a red-head at lunch who doesn't care about him in the least. How do I get him to notice me?

Frustrated


Dear Frustrated, If he ain't paying attention and you're sending signals, then leave a tack on his chair. Keep doing that and he'll try to figure out who is doing it. If you get caught just give him, you now, The Look. He'll get the idea. Moral: the way to a man's heart is through the seat of his pants.

AS

The Mystery of Dorothy Schmidt Solved?

 


by Glen L. Bledsoe 

You may remember during the mid-1980's the mysterious disappearance of soap opera star Dorothy Schmidt, thought at first to be a publicity stunt. When several weeks passed with no sign of the actress police began to take her case seriously. Further investigations revealed several reliable witnesses including her co-star Buddy Frank who said Dorothy had been abducted by Little Green Men who offered them potato pancakes in exchange for Ms. Schmidt who at the time was apparently paralyzed by a beam of purple light. The police dismissed the story as a hoax until just last month astronomers studying Betelgeuse received a radio signal which decoded into the image accompanying this report.

The image does bear something of a resemblance to the TV star. Speculation as to its meaning varies from she's being honored with an award in her likeness to she's been turned into an inanimate statue of uncertain materials. Whichever the case it appears that the Betelgeusians wanted us to know.


Hand Lotion

 


by Glen L. Bledsoe 

"I don't suppose nobody has got any hand lotion around here, Frank said with an impatient look on his face. "My hands are as raw as raw rawhide."

Becky Johnson who had been trying to cozy up to Frank for years said, "Why don't you help yourself to some of Buster Hand Creme right behind you?"

"I'm not smelling like no pansy florist shop," Frank retorted. "Just because the Sheriff smells like a lady's hanky doesn't mean I want to."

"Oh no, Frank," Becky said batting her eyes at him. "This lotion will make your hands smell like leather. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Leather?" Frank said in surprise. "Why don't you squirt me a handful in my palm? I'd like to give it a try."

The Mick Award


 by Glen L. Bledsoe 

Each year an award ceremony is held in a private club where reporters are never invited and the invitees hail from an exclusive group of musicians who have been on a first name basis for decades. The purpose of the meeting is to determine who must "host" the dreaded life-sized Mick award and hang the Mick plaque on their wall for an entire year. The group is small enough (and getting smaller year by year) that the odds of having to house the monstrosity grows ever greater. The method for determining who is bound to provide shelter for the excrescence has never been revealed to the public. Insiders only suggest "you don't want to know." I guess the people don't get no satisfaction.

Arthur "A.I." Bleistift


 by Glen L. Bledsoe 

One young man has set the art world ablaze with this stunning technique or perhaps it would be better described as a discipline like yoga or Tai Chi Ch'uan. Young Arthur "A.I." Bleistift calls his technique "Analog Intelligence."

This technique relies on the ability of the artist to look very carefully at an object or a scene and hold what she has seen in her mind as accurately as she can for up to three or four seconds. Then the artist using any number of different tools makes a mark on a sheet of paper or a stretched sheet of specially treated cloth stretched across a wooden frame. Then (and this is important) the artist compares the made mark against what she can see and either modifies the mark to make it more representative of what is visible or moves forward to making another representative mark.

"The process continues," says Arthur, "until the image is complete." The Bleistift Method is taking the art world by storm. So much so that artificial intelligence artists fear their art form may fall by the wayside of history.

John the Baptist Dances for Peace

 


by Glen L. Bledsoe 

In the original version Salome danced for Herod on his birthday. Herod wanted to show how much he liked the dance (this was before favs) so he told her to pick out something on Amazon and he'd have it delivered. But (always a trouble-making word) Salome couldn't make up her mind between an e-scooter and a solar backup battery system so she asked her mother Herodias to help her pick. Herodias was having a bad day as we all sometimes do and said half-jokingly "How about John the Baptist's head on a platter?" never thinking for a moment anyone would take her seriously. Well, that didn't turn out well.

So in this version Herodias suggests that instead John the Baptist dances, which he was only too happy to oblige considering his option. He dances for peace as should we all. Inspired by Terry Riley's composition "Salome Dances for Peace." 

The Welcome Wagon Sisters

 


by Glen L. Bledsoe 

I have no idea how old this LP record album is, but I picked it up at a yard sale. Ten cents. And it wasn't cracked or scratched all that bad. I know it looks like a reject from a library book sale, but there are actually some pretty good songs and poems on here. I'm no expert, but I think there's a song on here played with a musical comb. That's what it sounds like to me anyhow. Okay, so the banjo playing isn't so good, but if it was tuned it would be acceptable. Anyway the "Welcoming Sisters" (from Columbus, Ohio) did a pretty good job back in the day. Real DIY for sure, and I think they deserve some respect. I wonder how old they are now. They're probably not even alive. That's sad.

Geppetto the Marionette

 


by Glen L. Bledsoe

There is a little known unfinished first draft manuscript of Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi in which Geppetto is turned into a wooden puppet by a wicked witch. Pinocchio, his flesh and blood son, spends endless adventures trying to find and free him. The novel was never completed (or translated into English). Eventually Carlo decided to reverse roles. Probably a good idea. Disney would have had a tough time marketing an old man marionette as a lovable cartoon character. Guillermo del Toro would have made a masterpiece of it, though.

Unwanted

 


by Glen L. Bledsoe 

The story you’ve read in the papers. The unloved child who disappeared and was discovered turned into a statue made of precious materials has inspired a number of fictional treatments in books and movies. Which is the real story gets muddled each time the tale is retold, but one need only look into the sad eyes of the statue once a living little girl to know that every child needs love to grow into an adult. 

Talk of the Town

 


by Glen L. Bledsoe 

"Have you noticed how Sheriff Pete smells?" Lucy said.

"I try not to," Bud replied trying to be nonchalant.

"He smells like he fell into a perfume bottle," she said.

"You don't mean he's. 99

"No, of course not. Haven't you noticed the way he's hanging around Miss Jane with that silly looking on his face."

"Oh, that."

Lucy punched Bud lightly on the shoulder. "Yes, that!" she said.

(To understand why they're talking about see Sheriff Pete and the Bar of Soap.

Sheriff Pete and the Bar of Soap


 by Glen L. Bledsoe 

Miss Jane down at Thompson's Hotel and Tavern said to Pete, "Sheriff, you know what this is?"

Sheriff Pete squinted at it for a moment and said, "It's a lady thing for sure. I can smell it."

"It's a manly thing, too," Miss Jane said.

"That wouldn't be a bar of soap would it?" he said. "If I tasted it I'd know for sure."

"It is indeed soap, Sheriff," Miss Jane said. "It comes from Boston and I bought a dozen bars."

"it don't look like Granny's soap," the Sheriff said.

"It's as different from Granny's soap as day is to night. I'm going loan you this bar. You go down to the crick, take your clothes off, wade into the water and you rub this all over your body. When you're all dried off, put your clothes back on and you come back here. I'll make it worth your while."

"Whatever you say, Miss Jane," the Sheriff said with a sliver of a grin.